About the Author: How to Find the Courage to Stick Up For Yourself
Welcome to the Arrowhead Martial Arts Studios blog. We're located in Salt Lake City, Utah and exclusively teach adults the martial art of AMERICAN KENPO. If you want to be notified the next time I write something, sign up for email alerts or subscribe to the RSS feed. Be sure to also sign up for our monthly newsletter and our free trial program. Thanks for reading! -- Ryan
Taking the martial arts was one of the best things I could have ever done for myself. It has given me so many rewards that far exceed my ability to articulate.
That said, I will try and articulate one of them.
One of the major gifts it has given me is the strength to stick up for myself in extremely difficult and stressful situations. In fact, I firmly believe I would not have had the inner strength otherwise had I not been in the martial arts. It has been a tremendous source of strength for me.
“Have faith and believe in yourself, have courage, create and always be humble.” — Mr. Paul Mills, 10th Degree Black Belt
I look at my instructors words above and have thought about the many levels this statement can be applied. It’s a rather simple statement, but to me, is one that is very profound.
I look at the first two pieces, having faith and believing in yourself, are primary contributer to help you to develop the third, or courage. In fact, I encourage you to memorize this statement and think about it’s meaning often.
In addition to having faith and believing in yourself, here are some additional tips on developing the ability to stick up for yourself:
- Understand you are worth sticking up for.
- Know what is worth sticking up for and what isn’t.
- Start in small, but important, areas.
- Focus on a positive outcome, not what will happen if you fail.
- Know when the time is right. Learn to trust your gut.
- Don’t make excuses for other people’s bad behavior.
- Understand that what you know is not known by many.
- Develop the “don’t worry, I’ll be fine” attitude.
For many, people let others walk all over them be it a boss, coworker, friend, stranger, family member or a spouse. Sometimes we don’t even realize it is happening. However, there are those times where you know all too well it’s happening and you aren’t doing something about it.
Avoid letting yourself get caught in the trap (or what Mr. Mills calls a prison) where you feel helpless you can’t do something about it. The reality is that you can and do have the tools to stick up for yourself.
Remember, the fear in you is always working to stop you from sticking up for yourself. For some, that fear is constantly telling them to just sit there, do nothing, ignore it and it will all go away. However, we all know that this approach isn’t healthy and can, in fact, make things worse later.
Sometimes protecting yourself never involves ever having to lay a hand on anyone. Sometimes the best self defense is to take a stand, stick up for yourself, and stop letting people walk all over you.
How has taking the martial arts helped you stick up for yourself in your everyday life? Share your thoughts in the form of a comment below!
Shortly before I started taking your class, I was walking to work and noticed a man that looked suspicious. He was walking along a row of cars parked on the side of the road, looking in each as he went. I was 20-30 feet behind him and he didn’t know I was there. He paused longer at one car, and then tried the handle. I should have yelled to stop him, but nobody else was around. How would I defend myself if the man was upset that I had caught him? The door was locked. The man then noticed me and continued walking, not looking in any other cars.
I know I would have acted differently had that occurred after I had started training. I would have had no problem speaking up because I know I could have defended myself. Even after achieving just the yellow belt level my self confidence rose tremendously and I knew that I could stand up for myself, whether it be in that situation on the street, or simply asserting myself in design decisions in meetings at work.
After training for a while, I did start asserting myself at work, and saw my responsibilities grow. I also started speaking out about some of the real problems we were having with a team member that wasn’t performing any of his duties, and was detrimental to the progress of our product. In the end, nothing was done about that person, and I made my final assertion by finding a new job.
Comment by Joel — 7/27/2008 @
What a great article. One thing I have noticed since taking this art is the way I look at people in public situations. I walk through large crowds and dark parking areas much more alert and with much more confidance. I dont tend to worry so much what people are doing around me anymore, but yet I am so much more aware of them, where they are, what there doing. I am a musician and I sometimes find myself in less desirable situations or in less desirable places, filled a lot of times with pretty crazy people. I used to be much more nervous in ruff bars or in clubs that are out of town and unfamiliar to me. I have seen a lot situations get out of hand, and would always feel at least alittle nourvous or anxious in new places with a crowd I dint know. I think I was always a little worried about the unknown, never to sure how the night was going to end up. But I have noticed that those feelings have trailed of somewhat and have been replaced with that confidance and awareness. I now feel pretty comfortable most of the time and my self confidance and self worth have never been higher. I dont think I started to notice it too much until recently. I think it was a gradual proccess that is still unfolding for me but i am definatly in a diffrent place in life than i was a year ago even. I know this art gives you inner strength and confidence, and sometimes most importantly, those feelings of great self worth. We are all worth standing up for!
Comment by Cory — 7/28/2008 @
Really nice blog post. I think everyone out there could take this advice at some point in their life. Thank you for the words of encouragement.
Comment by James — 8/1/2008 @
Great article! Returning to Karate after substantial time off made me realize just how much I had missed. During my time off, I gradually lost my assertive nature. It was so gradual, I didn’t fully realize until friends and co-workers began encouraging me to return to Karate. Since returning, my confidence is moving in a positive direction. As mentioned in the article, increased assertiveness and a positive self image will result. Such results happen without laying a hand on anyone. Again, thank you for the article. Karate definitely enhances my everyday life.
Comment by Rachael — 9/9/2008 @